I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
