so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
