apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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