please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize