I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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