I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
