420 ftw
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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