Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
