I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
