I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
