Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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