I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
