How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
