On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
