I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
