Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
