too bad you live with your parents still
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
