He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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