on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
