my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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