You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Four minutes until I can fart!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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