Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
