Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
a search helicopter?!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
