So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
