I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
