Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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