he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
