Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just gift wrapped bread.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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