i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
