At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wanna go halves on a baby?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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