TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
