Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
