And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
