Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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