hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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