oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
