Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
