Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
