You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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