how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
