my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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