He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
