I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
