and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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