Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
