i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
