I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
