i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
