he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
