he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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