so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
