Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
