How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
