I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
