You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
