It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
