....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
