You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
