He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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