I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
