PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
