i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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