Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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