honey bunches of taint.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
