ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
