i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
