In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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