i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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