3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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