My room smells like vodka and shame
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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