i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
