So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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